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New Year, New You?


This month I've been talking about Boundaries, Goals, and Rituals to get you through this crazy holiday season. Next thing you know, it's 2020! This year it's not just about a new year but also a new decade, and something about that just settles a little deeper. It feels a little heavier. A new set of 10 years. Some of you (like me) may be thinking: what happened to the last 10 years?! I feel ya on that. I really do.

Maybe you're a New Year's Resolution person. Maybe you're not. Either way is fine. I mean, really. New Year's Resolutions are an excellent motivator to start new habits, start with a clean slate, start with the best intentions. New Year, New You, right?

I beg to differ. I love the idea of a new year with new goals, but new you? Not likely.

Most of us tackle our goals with the same mindset that we always have - we'll approach this obstacle with the same thinking, programming, habits that we always have - and for some reason it'll be different! But it won't. That is the number one reason New Year's Resolutions fail. We're not consistent. Creating new habits is freaking HARD. CHANGE IS HARD. We've programmed these unwanted habits into our system and now we have to un-program, download a new program, work out the bugs, and then we have the upgraded system we want.

How do we make these changes we want? Well, first we have to become aware of our unconscious programming. We have to take note of our triggers. Perhaps there's a Starbucks directly across the street from your office....or is that just me? I have a Starbucks directly across the street from the Pilates Studio. The trigger for a latte is STRONG. I recognize that. I notice the trigger. I take a deep breath and say, "This is not necessary for survival. You have tea in the studio." Seems strange, I know. But our brains program these habits, these shortcuts, for survival. For much of human history we needed to know these shortcuts to survive. Shortest, quickest, safest path to the watering hole. It's a worn path that your ancestors took for generations. Now you. Your survival depends on it. You repeat that path so many times your brain stores it - this must be important.

New Year's Resolutions, as well as any change really, is about forging a new path. It's covered with overgrown bushes, weeds, trees, roots sticking up from the ground and frankly, there is not stinking path! You need your machete and you go in swinging. You swing, you swing, you stumble, you fall, you get a little lost, and eventually you come out on the other side. Water! Hooray! You made it! That's when you reach your first milestone. Perhaps it's the first 10lbs. Perhaps it's the first job interview. Perhaps it's making it through the week without Starbucks. But then you have to go back. So back down the path you go. Yes, you cut down some weeds, but man there are so many more still there! Yes, you may stumble less, but you still don't know the route all that well. There are still obstacles. There is still overgrowth and it's dark and there's a little light, but not as much as the other path. The other well-worn path is easier. But you keep going. Back and forth. Back and forth. And eventually your new path begins to take shape.

Another thing to remember: A lot of times these New Year Resolutions can be about changing what's 'wrong' with us. And that feels yucky! So, let's find a way to reframe.

One of my mentors, Coach Amber Krzys said to me, "This time of year I like to slow down and consider what feels best. What makes me feel most alive? What's resonating? I focus on what I want to create and where I want to pour my energy and love."

How much different would it feel if we approached our goals, our resolutions, this way? You are choosing where you want to pour your energy and love. This all comes back to that WHY. Why are wanting to lose 25 pounds? Why are you wanting to find a new job? Is it from a place of shame? Is a from a place of fixing what's 'wrong'? Or is a from a place of inspiration?

Perhaps that should be the 'new you' to strive for in 2020 - Inspirational. Empowered. Perfect You.

If you want to discuss your 2020 goals or develop some 2020 goals, let me know! I'd love to help!

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