top of page

I don't handle this well.

To kick this new year off, I want to share a story.

See if this sounds like you...

January 1, 2023 - NEW YEAR - YAY!


I love the start of a new year. I love to hit that reset button. Clear the past.

Set intentions for the new. Create the plan. Take action.


This year, I was at the gym on January 1st - no more waiting until Monday!

Or as it was this year, next Monday. Or even Tuesday. Nope. I’m solidifying this commitment day 1. It’s just like any other day - no excuse - no 3D circumstantial reasons to wait.


I wrote, for myself, that day. Again, no reason not to. Solidify my intention! As if to say, “Listen up Brain! Pay Attention! This is important! This is who we are!”

January 2 - The Drive - Part 1


The alarm rang at 4:30am. The car was partially packed the night before. Suitcases. Gym bags. Presents loaded.


I woke up early to do some Pilates before the 16 hour drive for day 1. My gym time replacement: check!


I washed my face, brushed my teeth, contacts in.

I change into my driving sweats and feed the dog - distracting him for a whole 3 minutes as I steal his bed and blankey and run to the car.


It’s still pitch dark outside. One outside lamp cuts through the stillness of the countryside, its light dimmed from the dense fog.


Goodbyes said, holding back the tears. I’m never good at this part. My mind playing out the worse case scenarios - the ‘this might be the last time I...’ stories. Oh, the creativity I have...


And we hit the road.


I take the first driving shift. 4 hours. Into a new state. The 2nd of the 7 we will encounter.

When my partner takes over, I return to my new year commitments. I write. For me. Then I edit. For the screenplay. #progress #onestepeachday


This continues for 3 of the 4 hours of my rest time.

Then we switch, each to take another round before our first stop for the night.

Feeling proud of myself for keeping this commitment (and let’s be honest, feeling exhausted from the day in the car) I fall asleep immediately.


You might be thinking right now,

"Good for you. But what's this got to do with me?"

...that part is coming...I promise. Stick with me.


January 3 - The Drive - Part 2


I awake this morning, groggy. Stuffy. Dry. Gasping for water. Trying to clear the desert in my mouth. What the hell is this?!


My partner has apparently woken up on the wrong side of the bed...

He is in a MOOD. The stomp with each step, saying little, ready to leave. NOW.

...even though we agreed on leaving 30 minutes from now, type of mood.


According to him: he didn’t get any sleep. Someone kept him up all night snoring.


“I didn’t hear the dog at all”, I said in complete seriousness, looking at our French Bulldog. He's more bulldog, and he’s soooo noisy. Lots of snoring.

Flat face dogs owners know what I speak of...


My partner stared at me, then exclaimed, “YOU! It was YOU!”


...sorry...?


I never know what to say or do when he gets upset about snoring. I mean, I’m not going to apologize for breathing. Kind of important to me. And it’s not like it’s something I’m doing intentionally. Or even something I can control!

Plus...


“Well, I guess it’s payback for all the snoring you do.”


Normally, I would suggest that the next time, he go sleep on the couch if it’s bothering him that much. But as we’re in the hotel room, getting space is a little more challenging.


We pile into the car. Hit the road. In silence.

I took the first shift.

He slept.




...why is my throat scratchy?


...man, it’s like I can’t get enough water...


...where’s the box of Kleenex?




Fast-forward 16 hours and we’re back in Los Angeles.

And I’m flat on the couch. Sick.


January 4 - 7 - I Don’t Handle This Well


It’s like my favorite time of the year! The Re-Set! The fresh start! THE INTENTIONS!!


And I can’t even sit up because my head is pounding, I’m leaning sideways, and I’m pretty certain I’m drowning.


And I still can’t breathe without my mouth open, so I’m relegated to the couch.


All I can do is lie here and think about how I’m not doing any of the things I said I would do:


No gym.

No writing.

No purging of the things.

No healthy meals because there are no groceries, so I’m eating plain pasta...when I eat.


THIS IS NOT HOW THE NEW YEAR IS SUPPOSED TO GO!


...or is it?


Who said so?

I’ve spent the past week fighting a battle in my head about all the things I should be doing, where I should be, how it should be going.


I’ve felt soooo behind.

But behind what?

What am I falling behind in?


As I ask myself that question, the anxiety subsides. I remind myself that I need to rest.

“You do your part and let your body do hers”. Something I remind my clients of all the time, but when it comes to rest, I resist my own platitude.


And then I noticed:

How often do I ‘rest’...and think about all the things?

A lot. Quite a lot.


...so I’m not actually resting.

No wonder I’m so tired.


I’ve spent the first full week of the new year lying on the couch, consuming 3 boxes of Kleenexes, 2 types of cold medicines, 8,000 ounces of water and tea, and all of Netflix.


I made zero strides in my intentions and goals for the new year. No steps were taken.

AND THAT’S OK.


Because it’s not about January 1.

It’s about now.

And now.

And now.

So to you, dear reader,


How do you approach the start of the new year?

Empowered or with force? (They are different.)

With excitement or with pressure?

With growth in mind or with judgement?


Where do you spin wonderful tales of woe, trying to circumvent obstacles of your own creation?


What makes you believe you're behind? Or failing? Or that you should be in any other place than you are right now?


We are all powerful, creative beings.

And the start of the new year is a wonderful time to take stock of the ways we've been mis-creating.


Here's to creating the year you desire,

<3 Lindsey xx


P.S.: I'd love to hear what you're up to in 2023.

Send me an email, or DM me on the socials: coach_lindsey_schwahn

9 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page